The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .

However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there navigate to this website for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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